Cursed!

I swear we are doomed every time we head down south. My parents got a condo down in St. George for Memorial weekend and we decided to just go down one night. We left Saturday morning and came back Sunday night. We have only taken Owen down twice now and both times he has ended up with Croup. How crummy is that? On top of it, we had to stop to feed Calvin, then stop again because Owen spilled juice all over his clothes and carseat, I started to get a severe stomach cramp that felt like the stomach flu and I couldn't stand up straight the entire weekend, and Owen sounded like a sick horse and we ended up taking him to instacare. However, it was nice to be in warm sunny weather even though we didn't end up doing much. Sunday night we left pretty late and didn't get home till 1 in the morning. It was not pleasurable driving with a toddler and a newborn. Calvin would get hungry and scream like he was being tortured and Owen kept getting sick of his carseat and crying to get out. Oh well, at least I am getting out and not sitting at home like a log.
To top it all off, I am really struggling with breastfeeding (feel free to stop here if you so choose not to read about breasts and milk). First of all, I never got engorged this time. I kept waiting for it to happen but I never felt it and I never leaked. I kept putting on pads so when my milk came in it wouldn't leak but I have not leaked once. I finally pumped after a week to make sure I did indeed even have milk and was surprised to see a little. This seemed strange especially after what I went through with Owen. Secondly, it really hurts like hell. And not just during feeding times. It hurts all the time. When Calvin starts to get hungry I get that dreaded feeling like Not again! Thirdly, he is hungry literally every second. I will feed him, burp him, change him and he is hungry again. I have sat home and nursed EVERY HOUR on the hour for the past 2 weeks. I finally started to get fed up with it and started pumping and feeding him that way through the bottle. So much better! He actually eats more than half an ounce and goes longer between feedings (like 2-3 hours). Fourth, by night time, he has literally sucked me raw and I have nothing left in me. I have been doing all I can to up my milk supply but nothing is really helping. I am just drained by night. What can I say, the boy is hungry. Luckily I pump like every second I can so I have something for him at night and a few times we have had to supplement with formula since I just didn't have a thing for him. It has been really frustrating for me!! I was devastated that it didn't work out with Owen and now it is a struggle because I just don't have enough this time. Plus I get so upset that I can't feed him from me, but that I have to use the bottle. He is happier and sleeps better so you would think it wouldn't matter, but honestly, it is one of the most depressing things ever. It makes me feel like such a failure. I try and try and during the day I try to feed from me, but he would literally not stop eating and I would have to sit on my couch for twelve hours and nurse (not to mention how much it hurts). If I do try to stop feeding him, he roots around and screams in hunger. I feel like I can't nourish my child! I don't know really what the issue is...maybe I don't have enough milk, maybe I don't have enough fat in my milk and it's not making him full, maybe he just wants to suck...the list goes on.
I think the most frustrating thing is that I want so badly to nurse. It is so good for baby and mom and yet I seem to be the only person who struggles with it. Not to mention that I feel like I have been neglecting Owen because all I seem to do is nurse. I feel like I can't go anywhere or do anything for fear that Calvin will get hungry and I can't just up and feed especially if I am somewhere with Owen and I don't want him to run off or get hurt. If anyone has any advice or can relate please do share!
Anyways, other than that, everything is going well. Calvin is so cute and sweet and doing so well! He sleeps pretty good and usually only gets up twice in the night to eat. He is definitely more cuddly so it has been fun to cuddle him constantly! Owen has been doing so well with having a baby around and knows to be soft. I wonder if he even remembers not having him around. So far he hasn't seemed to really care and has adjusted so well it almost creeps me out. He was aweful with me and babies before Calvin came. I guess my prayers were answered!